


Talk Dirty To Me

by Cyriusli



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-08-27 11:18:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8399632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyriusli/pseuds/Cyriusli
Summary: Sanji wants Zoro to talk to him like that all the time.





	1. Talk Dirty To Me

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic was inspired by one line.

Sanji sighed and tipped his head to the side, giving Zoro full exposure to the length of his neck as one of the swordsman’s hands slid down his front. He leaned back against his lover, feeling the solid warmth of Zoro’s chest against his spine and moved his hand to cover Zoro’s. His movements were slow, teasing and Sanji’s breath hitched as the other man bit down on his neck just behind his ear.

“Zoro,” Sanji breathed out, although he was pretty sure it hinted more at a moan, than not. The swordsman hummed against Sanji’s skin, kissing and nipping his way back down toward his shoulder, mouthing at his shirt and tugging at his collar with teeth. Their hands met at Sanji’s belt and between them both, they easily undid it, Zoro quickly slipping a hand into the chef’s pants.

“You like that?” Zoro’s voice was low as his fingers smoothed out the trail of fine hairs that led to Sanji’s growing arousal.

Sanji tipped his head back against Zoro’s shoulder, lifting his hips in an attempt to get his lover to keep going. “Yeah,” he slid his hand down Zoro’s arm, then under the hem of his slacks to lace his fingers with the swordsman’s.

Zoro squeezed Sanji’s fingers between his own before continuing down, brushing their linked hands against the base of his arousal. “Little tight in the pants, Cook? Your cock’s just begging for my touch, isn’t it?”

“Shit, Zoro,” Sanji tried to force their hands down, but Zoro stopped it and Sanji could feel the muscles flexing in his arm against his chest. “Just touch me.”

“Oh, is that what you want?” The swordsman’s breath was hot in his ear. “You want me to touch? To wrap my hand around your dick and jerk you off?” Zoro paused to bite at Sanji’s ear before he ran his tongue around the shell. Sanji shuddered as Zoro inhaled through his nose. “I want to make you mine, Sanji. I want to rile you up and deny you.”

“Fuck,” Sanji groaned out, once again trying in vain to push Zoro’s hand farther down. The swordsman just wouldn’t budge, the tips of his fingers brushing against the swell of his length still confined in his pants.

“I want to tease you, take my time with you, open you and have you begging for me to fuck you.” Zoro spoke each word into Sanji’s ear, running his fingertips along Sanji’s arousal as he did. Sanji couldn’t help the moan that left him and he pushed at Zoro’s wrist one last time to get him to touch him.

Zoro wrapped his hand around Sanji’s length while his other hand opened the chef’s pants, giving him a bit more room as he finally stroked his hand along Sanji’s length. He didn’t pull Sanji free of the confines of his pants though, instead groaning against the blond’s neck. Sanji pushed back against him, smirking more to himself than Zoro when he felt his lover’s hard length against his ass. “Fuck, Sanji.” Zoro dragged the words out as he spoke before he broke away from Sanji, to just grab him by the back of the neck and push him against the counter. Sanji went willingly, bracing his arms and purposely widening his stance in invitation.

“You’re such a flirt,” Zoro mused behind him, the hand against the base of Sanji's neck moving to grip to his shoulder and keep Sanji against the countertop. “You want me to do it, don’t you?” Zoro’s other hand found Sanji’s hip as the swordsman ground his arousal against Sanji’s ass.

“Say it again, Zoro.” Sanji turned his head to the side so he could see the wicked grin cross his lover’s mouth. “Tell me what you want to do to me.”

Zoro rolled his hips against Sanji’s ass, fingers digging into his hip as a low moan left the swordsman’s mouth. “I’m going to take my time with you. I’m going to work you open, one finger at a time, until you are a writhing mess, shaking and moaning at my touch.”

“Fuck,” Sanji breathed out, feeling his length twitch in his pants. Dropping his head between his forearms, Sanji pushed back against Zoro, groaning when the swordsman met him.

“Then I’m going to fuck into you, slowly, inch by fucking inch, Sanji. I’m going to have you panting and begging for me to fuck you into this counter by the time I’m done with you.” Zoro leaned over Sanji, breath hot against the back of his neck, one hand sliding flush over Sanji’s hip to dip into his pants once again. He didn’t touch, but Sanji could feel where his fingertips were just beyond his arousal and the building heat was mind numbing. “I’m not going to let you cum until I’m fucking ready.”

Sanji groaned, shaking his head and blinking as the kitchen timer went off. Looking around, he caught sight of where he’d set it on the far side of the counter and moved to shut it off, but not before he took a moment to adjust himself in his pants.

Shutting it off and washing his hands, Sanji pulled the cake trays from the oven before sighing and tossing the oven mitts onto the counter. He ran a hand through his hair as he frowned at himself, having let his mind run free while he waited for the cakes to bake. Letting his mind wander never got him anywhere, anyway.

Sanji daydreaming in the galley about Zoro talking dirty and getting him all riled up was useless, especially when in reality, the swordsman was asleep on the bench, drooling. Rolling his eyes, Sanji wandered over to him, carefully moving the other man’s hand from his stomach before he sat on Zoro, leaning back against the back of the bench. Zoro’s face scrunched comically for a moment as he adjusted to Sanji’s slight weight on his hips. “Neither of us have watch tonight,” Sanji started, turning to look down at Zoro.

The swordsman simply grunted at him, moving one hand to wipe at the corner of his mouth before settling it behind his head and not even bothering to open his eye. “So?”

“Meet me in the aquarium later.” Sanji picked at the edge of Zoro’s shirt he could reach. He kept his tone low, almost questioning, not that he’d admit it. Well, not out loud anyway. He was pretty sure Zoro could pick up on it anyway.

Zoro didn’t answer, instead wrapping his free arm around Sanji’s waist and tugging him down against his chest. Sanji huffed, but shifted, getting comfortable and laying his head against Zoro’s shoulder. “To do what? Watch the fish?”

Sanji sighed heavily. “No, to spend time with you. It’s not often neither of us don’t draw watch.”

“You just want to fuck me.” Zoro cracked his eye then, a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “Pervert Cook. You daydreaming in the galley again?”

“So what if I was?” Sanji shot back. “Besides, it was actually you dirty talking to me.”

“Yeah, like that'll ever happen. You know I can’t talk dirty, not like you.” Zoro tipped his head to the side slightly to look at Sanji better.

“You never try.” Sanji replied flatly, thinking back to the few attempts where he’d tried to get Zoro to do so, but the other man had never budged from his answer of ‘no.’ He’d flush completely red and look away. Sanji found it comical, and endearing, that such a man could get  _ embarrassed _ at attempting to talk lewd and obscenely with him. The physical side of things Zoro didn’t mind doing, but ask him to speak beyond what he uttered in the throes of passion and he just stuttered awkwardly.

Zoro inhaled, groaning slightly upon exhale. “I’m not good at it.”

“You won’t know until you try, Zoro.” Sanji sat up slightly, just enough so he could look down at Zoro and gauge his response. “Come on, just humor me for once.”

With a roll of his eye, Zoro inhaled to speak. “Sanji, let me put my dick in your butt.”

Sanji snorted in laughter, dropping his forehead back to Zoro’s shoulder. “Yeah, stop talking.”

“I told you.” Zoro spoke through a chuckle, carding a hand into Sanji’s hair and kissing his temple. “I have never been able to do it.”

Sanji kissed zoro’s jaw. “I know.”

“Besides, you do enough for the both of us.”

“Hey!” Sanji sat up fully this time and threw a glare at the sarcastic grin on Zoro’s face. “That’s not true.”

“Meet me in the aquarium tonight and I’ll prove that it is true.”

“You’re an asshole.” Sanji crossed his arms and huffed a sigh.

“Yeah,” Zoro sat up a little, wrapping both arms around Sanji when the blond fell against his chest from the movement. Ducking around to press a kiss to the corner of Sanji’s mouth, Zoro rested his forehead against Sanji’s temple. “I am.”

“I love you though. I don’t know why.” Sanji grinned at Zoro and turned to kiss him, chaste kisses as they chuckled at one another and pushed against each other's foreheads.

Threading his bangs back behind his ear, Zoro genuinely smiled for Sanji, something he did rarely and it made the blond pause in whatever snarky comment he was going to make. “I love you, too, Sanji.”


	2. Talk Dirty With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Zoro.

They docked a few days later.

A nice quiet island that required them to have to stay because the log pose needed a few days to reset before they could move on. Wanting to take advantage of it, Sanji had gotten a hotel room for him and Zoro, excited at actually being able to spend some time away from the crew. That and sleep in a real bed. And what a fucking bed. Sanji had never seen a bed that size before. They had barely gotten the hotel room door closed before they were falling to the bed, tangled together and already tugging at one another’s clothes. Sanji’s shirt and tie were the first things to go, Zoro’s shirt soon after. They had to pause to get the swordsman’s swords and haramaki off, but the moment his fingers let go of the last weapon, Sanji rolled them over, taking advantage of Zoro’s balance being shifted awkwardly over him.

Zoro’s hands carded into Sanji’s hair as the swordsman groaned into their kiss. Sanji braced his knees, grinding his hips flush against Zoro’s ass. His hand was digging into the muscle of Zoro’s thigh to help keep the swordsman’s leg locked around his hip, the other bearing his weight on his elbow. Zoro shifted below him, lifting his hips and tightening his grip on Sanji’s hair. He broke their kiss with a pant, licking at his lip and snapping the trail of spit between them. Sanji met his lover’s eye, the gray of his iris a small ring around a blown pupil and hissed in need as Zoro purposely rubbed against Sanji’s length with a smirk.

Sanji didn’t give him a chance to speak, ducking down to catch Zoro’s mouth in another passionate kiss. Things were rushed, fast and hard, tongues meeting to break away to come back together again. Zoro dropped his leg, braced himself and rolled his hips up, grinding his arousal into Sanji’s stomach and Sanji matched the moan that fell from Zoro’s mouth as they broke apart once again. Lips barely brushing against one another, they panted into each other’s space, eyes meeting as they tried to catch their breaths.

The grip in Sanji’s hair loosened as Zoro trailed one hand down, tucking his bangs behind an ear. Sanji smiled faintly, tipping his head ever so slightly to press his lips to Zoro’s once more. The entire mood of their kiss changed as their movements remained slow and languid. Despite their previous urgency, they both knew there was no rush and somehow they had silently conveyed that to one another. Zoro ran his hands up Sanji’s back in one long and smooth motion, pressing his palms flush against Sanji’s shoulder blades. “I want—” Sanji broke the kiss once more, eyes closing as Zoro moved to press a kiss against his jaw.

Zoro bucked his hips a third time and Sanji ground his own against him, inhaling to finish his sentence. “Oh!” He almost shouted instead, slamming his hand against the sheets by Zoro’s head and sitting up. “I have an idea!”

With a groan, Zoro rubbed his hands over his face. “Shit, what now?”

“Sit up!” Sanji smacked Zoro in the leg, grinning madly at him. “I want to try someth— wait!” Sanji reached a hand out, pressing it into the swordsman’s chest, feeling the warmth of skin on skin against his palm. “Take your pants off.”

“What the fuck are you on about?” Raising an eyebrow at him, Zoro dropped back to the bed and undid the button to his pants. “I swear to fuck, Cook, I am going to murder you if you don’t plan on sleeping with me.”

“That,” Sanji leaned over Zoro, having stood up to take his own pants off. He grinned broadly at the other man before climbing back onto the large bed and settling onto his knees. “Depends entirely on you, Marimo.”

“I—” Zoro narrowed his eye and sat up onto his elbows. “I don’t like the look on your face.”

Sanji smirked and held his hands out, palm up, offering to help Zoro sit up. The swordsman took them, still looking leering as Sanji pulled him to a sitting position. “What do you want? Not really an appropriate time to stop, don’t you think?”

“I’m  _ not _ stopping.” Sanji waved a hand to dismiss the idea. “I told you, it depends on you.”

“I kinda just want to punch you in the face right now honestly.” Zoro snapped out, balling both hands into fists as he moved to sit on his knees. Sanji took a second to let his eyes wander, lingering a little too long on how Zoro’s length strained against the thin material of his boxers.

“Why are you wearing underwear?”

“ _ That’s _ what you’re concerned with?” Zoro deadpanned. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Sanji shrugged. “You just never do. I’m actually disappointed.” Sanji paused as Zoro smacked a hand against his forehead with a groan. “Okay, moving on. I want to try something.”

“Fuck,” the swordsman sounded rather annoyed. “What is it?”

Sanji scooted a little closer to Zoro until their knees touched. “I want to teach you how to dirty talk. We’ll start small.”

Zoro actually gasped. “What? Sanji, no!” Crossing his arms, he leaned away from Sanji when he leaned forward in an attempt to kiss him. Zoro narrowed his eye at him in suspicion.

“Oh, come on, Zoro. There is no one else around. It is literally just you and me. And I have seen you naked.”

“I don’t know what that has to do with anything.” The swordsman huffed, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“My point,” Sanji lingered close to Zoro, invading his space, but not getting too close. He knew this was a touchy subject and Zoro was half apt to just get up and leave if Sanji tackled this the wrong way. “My point is that you have nothing to be worried about.”

“I’m not worried.” Zoro voiced quickly.

Sanji ignored him and kept going. “It’s just me. What are you so afraid of?”

Closing his eye, Zoro gave a defeated sigh and turned his head away. Sanji didn’t miss the rush of color cross his cheeks and bit at his lip before he could comment. “It’s stupid. It makes me feel stupid.”

Raising his hand to place on the swordsman’s shoulder, Sanji leaned forward, pressing a open mouthed kiss to his lover’s neck. Zoro stiffened at the action before he tipped his head away and melted into Sanji’s touch. Licking a trail along Zoro’s flushed skin, Sanji pulled back just enough to murmur against the wet spot. “Feels good, right?”

“Yeah,” Zoro breathed out. “Why’d you stop?”

“Because I am serious when I say I want to try and teach you. At least get you over being so anxious about it.”

Zoro made this sound, one that Sanji rarely heard from him, something akin to a whine mixed with his obvious frustration. He wasn’t leaving though, remaining where he was kneeling on the bed. Sanji took that as a good start.

“I’ll lead you,” Sanji offered. That had been a part of his plan anyway, but Zoro didn’t need to know that. “It’s all about telling me what you want to do.”

“We tried this, remember? You told me to stop talking.”

“Yes, well,” Sanji shrugged. “This time I have an idea. Just watch.” Leaning forward once more, Sanji repeated his previous actions, lingering longer at Zoro’s neck as he slid a hand down the swordsman’s side. Zoro relaxed, once again tipping his head to the side and raising his own hand to grasp onto Sanji’s forearm.

He took his time, but Sanji worked his way up the length of Zoro’s neck, kissing and nipping at his lover’s skin until he was lightly sucking at a spot on Zoro’s jaw just under his ear. The swordsman’s breath was coming out in shallow pants and the grip on Sanji’s arm was tight. “Zoro,” he started, slight moan to the other man’s name. Sanji slid his hand down to cup his arousal over his boxers, fingers massaging as his sac as well. Zoro hissed in need, raising his hips into Sanji’s touch and moving his hand to clutch as Sanji’s side. “You’re so fucking hard, I want to feel you inside me.”

“Shit; fuck!” Zoro panted out, jumping at Sanji and knocking them both back to the bed. The swordsman ground his hips against Sanji’s ass as he pulled one of the blond’s legs up against Zoro’s hip. The swordsman bit at Sanji’s collarbone, groaning against the skin as he bucked his hips once again.

“Zoro!” Sanji pushed against his shoulders. “This is defeating the purpose!”

“Don’t care,” Zoro grumbled against Sanji’s skin, kissing his way down Sanji’s chest, dragging his fingers over the blond’s ribs toward his boxers. “Shit, I fucking want you.”

“Good start!” Sanji couldn’t help but ruffle Zoro’s hair, smiling smugly at the glare he got when Zoro lifted his head. “Keep going.  _ How _ do you want me? What do you want to do to me?” He raised a brow in question.

Zoro sat up with a sigh. “You talking is ruining this. I know, I know, I get it. You’re just… whatever, but I can’t focus with you trying to fucking do that.”

“Zoro,” Sanji raised a hand, cupping it against his lover’s cheek. “Let’s try this a different way.”

“How about we drop it?”

“No,” Sanji sat up. “Just one more try, okay? If this doesn’t work then I’ll drop it.”

“Why do I put up with you?”

“Because you love me. And I am fucking amazing in bed.”

“Whatever.” Zoro pushed Sanji hard in the chest knocking him back to the bed before he climbed over him once more. “Okay, fine. Last chance or I’m fucking done. This isn’t worth it.”

“I’ll make it worth it, even if this doesn’t work, okay?” Zoro grunted at Sanji with a sharp nod of his head. “All right. It’s just talking, Zoro, that’s it. Just tell me what you want.”

“I want this conversation to be over with.”

“Yes, yes,” Sanji reached up and patted the swordsman on the head. “I know that. I meant with us fucking.”

“I want you, of course.” Zoro frowned down at him, stretching out along Sanji’s body and supporting his weight on his arms.

“So, expand on that.”

“How?” Zoro wrinkled his nose slightly and Sanji bit back the urge to ruffle his hair once more. He looked kinda cute when he did that, but if Sanji ever voiced that opinion out loud he was fairly certain he’d gain a black eye.

“Okay.” Instead, Sanji placed his hand against Zoro’s chest, tracing the line of his collarbone with his fingertips. “Let’s switch it. I want you.”

“Yeah, clearly, if we are here.”

“Would you stop trying to be so literal, for fuck’s sake, Zoro.”

“I can’t help it! This is stupid, Dumb Cook.”

“You’re stupid!” Sanji snapped, sucking in a deep breath and closing his eyes. “Okay, okay, sorry. Just, I don’t know, expand on what you are saying. Instead of saying ‘I want you.” Say something like ‘I want you inside me.’ Like I did.”

“That didn’t have the same affect it just did a minute ago.” Zoro frowned down at Sanji, clearly aggravated and annoyed.

“That’s because I am just saying it. I’m not rubbing your dick and moaning in your ear.” Sanji rolled his eyes.

“Is that the trick?”

“Yes!” Sanji dropped his arms to the bed. “Yes, dammit all, I think you finally understand.”

“So, like this?” Zoro leaned down and nudged as Sanji’s ear. Sanji couldn’t help but grin as he turned his head slightly. He didn’t think it would matter what Zoro said at this point, he felt he’d gotten somewhere and that was all he’d been trying to accomplish. He felt the swordsman inhale against his skin. “I’m done talking,” he breathed out. “Fuck me.”

Sanji burst out laughing, hearing Zoro groan as he dropped his forehead against Sanji’s temple. “Oh, Zoro, you poor marimo. No, but I’ll take it.” Turning to face him once more, Sanji wiped tears from his eyes before reaching up to wrap his arms around his lover’s shoulders. Leaning up, he pressed a kiss to the corner of Zoro’s mouth. “I’ll take it,” he repeated. “Thank you.”

“Are you done now? Can we just get on with this?”

“You’re such a dork.” Sanji watched as Zoro sat up, stripping his boxers off and tossing them away.

“Yeah, yeah. Get naked, Cook.”

“Wow.” Sanji moved to do so anyway. “So romantic, as always.”

Zoro leaned over to kiss his cheek. “You aren’t with me because I am a romantic.”

“True.” Sanji turned to peck him on the mouth. “Clearly, that’s me.”

“Whatever makes you happy, Sanji.”


	3. Talk Dirty About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after the couple comments on this, I decided it was time for a third installment. This one isn't quite like the other two, but, well... you'll see.

“Sanji, you okay?”

Sanji picked his head up from where he had been resting his chin in his palm, reaching out to flick ash from his cigarette into the tray. “Yeah, Usopp, I’m fine; why?”

“Um,” the sniper slid into the chair across from Sanji, a slight frown on his face. “Well, I managed to walk in here and get to the table and speak to you before you realized I was here.”

Sanji sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay. I am fine, I’ve just been thinking.”

“About what?”

Sanji pulled a drag off his cigarette, taking that moment of pause to collect his thoughts and feel the burn of the smoke down his throat. “Zoro,” he breathed out as he leaned back in his chair as to not blow smoke in Usopp’s face.

“Oh? You guys aren’t fighting, are you? I mean, I don’t want to get into the middle of your personal stuff, but if you need someone to talk to, I can at least listen.”

“Naw, we aren’t fighting.” Sanji shook his head, biting at his lip as he debated on telling the sniper what was going on. “There really isn’t a problem,” Sanji started, but stopped and chuckled. “Ah, forget it, Usopp, don’t worry about it. Zoro and I are fine.”

“Sanji, again: I managed to get in here and to the table before you reacted. You are not fine. You may not be fighting, but something is clearly bothering you. Maybe I can help? Or even if I can’t, saying it out load may help you.”

Sanji took another drag off his cigarette as he met Usopp’s eyes. He was one of the few on the crew who hadn’t made a big deal about Zoro and Sanji doing, well, whatever it was they were doing. Zoro never liked the word “dating” but they were clearly a thing. Partners or significant others, Sanji figured.

Anyway, Usopp had heard the news, kinda nodded, mumbled something about how he knew something was different and that had been the end of it. If anything, he’d been more than accepting and helpful throughout everything. “Okay,” Sanji leaned forward, snubbing his butt in the tray and grabbing his lighter. He tapped the corner of it on the table to help distract himself. “You fucking laugh at this and I will kick your ass off this ship.”

“Sanji,” Usopp leveled him with an unimpressed glare that spoke volumes. Usopp had never laughed, nor pried more than what Sanji and Zoro were willing to offer. “Really?”

“Right,” Sanji nodded, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. It sounded so stupid when he thought about it in his head. Maybe he should just give up this notion of trying to get Zoro to dirty talk with him and just let the subject die. Maybe Usopp’s opinion and advice would settle his mind on this matter. “So, I have been trying to get Zoro to be a bit more open when it comes to us, well— ya know.”

“Open how?” Usopp scrunched his nose and leaned back. “Actually, no, I don’t want details. Just summarize it, I still have to look at you two with a straight face.”

“Thanks a lot, you dick.” Sanji smirked and shook his head.

“That’s what I am afraid of.” Usopp shot back.

“Holy shit, no, this has nothing to do with us actually fucking, Usopp. Fuck, why would I talk to you about that?”

“I don’t know!” Usopp threw his hands in the air. “Then what does this have to do with? You just said you want Zoro to be more open, what else could it possibly have to do with?”

“Foreplay, of sorts?” Sanji narrowed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as he waited for Usopp’s reaction.

The sniper smacked a hand to his forehead. “Unbelievable. All right, lay it on me. What is he not doing? I am going to regret this,” he added, muttering under his breath.

“Well, I have been trying to get Zoro to talk dirty with me during our, um… yeah. Anyway, he’s absolutely no good at it and so I was like, well I can teach you, Marimo, and he just throws up his stupid walls and flat out refuses to even try. The couple times I have gotten him to even think about it, he just gets really annoyed, really quickly and then gets pissed off. It usually ruins whatever we are trying to do.” Sanji just blurted it all out at once, then dropped his head to the table with a thunk.

“U-huh,” he heard Usopp say quietly and Sanji was sure the sniper was nodding in thought. “Well, have you tried asking him to talk about you?”

“Um, news to Usopp, that’s what dirty talk is all about.”

“No, you idiot.” Usopp paused as Sanji snapped his head up, throwing him a glare. “I mean, instead of trying to get him to talk _to_ you, have him talk _about_ you.”

“Huh?” Sanji blinked, not really understanding where Usopp was coming from.

“Okay, look,” Usopp leaned his elbows on the table. “We all know Zoro’s got a thing for your ass.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.” Sanji rolled his eyes and pulled another cigarette from where his pack lay on the table.

“So use that.” Usopp jerked a hand toward Sanji. “Get him to talk about how much he likes your ass, break him into it slowly and in a way that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.”

Sanji slammed his hand down onto the table as he sat up straight. “Holy shit, Usopp, you’re a god-damned genius.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

* * *

 

Zoro was still panting as Sanji looked up to him. His face was flushed and his eye closed, head tipped back toward the ceiling. “Zoro,” Sanji started lowly, voice rough. There was a slight ache in his jaw and his scalp was tingling with pain. Still, it was worth it to see the swordsman come undone.

He’d waited all day, trying to think of a place and time he could get Zoro alone to implement what it was that Usopp had mentioned. It seemed like at every chance Sanji got something got in the way, so when evening rolled around, Sanji had finally taken it upon himself to make time. He’d followed Zoro to the crow’s nest and easily convinced him that his meditations could wait by falling to his knees.

Easing his eye open, Zoro met Sanji’s eyes and carded a hand into sweat damp hair. Sanji figured now would be a good time to try out Usopp’s idea while the haze of release still clouded Zoro’s judgement. “Zoro.” Speaking his name again, Sanji rose up on his knees, leaning forward so he could press a kiss to the swordsman’s collarbone. “Tell me about me.”

“That’s conceited, even for you, Love Cook.” Zoro grunted, letting the hand that had been in his hair trail down Sanji’s spine.

The blond arched into it, humming lowly as he thought of how to rephrase what he was trying to say. “No, I meant tell me what you like about me.”

“You’re an okay chef.” Zoro shrugged a shoulder, trailing his fingers back up Sanji’s spine. Zoro was too docile for his own good right now, Sanji was beginning to realize.

Sanji closed his eyes against the touch, biting at his lip and feeling the muscles in his leg twitch. He bit back the urge to kick Zoro in the head and once more tried to rephrase what he meant. “About my body,” Sanji managed, leaning forward to nip at Zoro’s neck.

Zoro reached up, grabbing Sanji by the chin and turning his head to face Zoro. There was a soft look on his face, one that Sanji rarely saw, and he knew under different circumstances, he would have melted into whatever it was Zoro was trying to do. A rare tender moment for the marimo. “I love your eyes,” Zoro breathed out and Sanji had to suck in a deep breath as he steeled himself from falling for the swordsman all over again.

He pulled his head from Zoro’s hand and threw him a glare. “Zoro, I was pretty much literally drooling cum a minute ago and you are talking about my eyes.”

The swordsman’s hand dropped back to his lap. “Wow, okay, so that’s a thing you just said.”

“Ugh,” Sanji dropped his forehead to Zoro’s shoulder. “You could, ya know, talk about my mouth, maybe. What about my ass?”

“What about your ass?” Zoro wrapped his arms around Sanji’s waist, pulling him into the swordsman’s lap a bit better. Sanji let Zoro manhandle him for a moment before he sat up on his knees and wrapped his arms around Zoro’s neck. “What,” Zoro asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Are you not feeling it now? Do you want me to—”

“No,” Sanji shook his head. “It’s not that. I was just hoping, I mean Usopp said—”

“Usopp?”

“Forget Usopp,” Sanji shook his head. That clearly had been the wrong thing to say. “I was trying to see if I could somehow trick you into talking dirty and I have apparently failed at that.”

“Ah, fuck, not this again.” Zoro rolled his eye and sighed. “Wait.” Throwing a glare at Sanji, Zoro leaned back away from him. “Did you talk to Usopp about the fact I can’t do that? Fucking hell, Sanji.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to, but he kinda talked me into it and— I just want you to be a little more vocal, Zoro, is that too much to ask?”

“I thought you said I was plenty vocal, Cook.” There was a smirk playing at the corner of Zoro’s mouth and Sanji was more than willing to kick it off his face.

“With _real_ words, you fucking plant.”

“And you were going to do this by trying to get me to talk about your ass?”

“Yes.”

“But I am not attracted to your ass, moron.”

“But you said— Usopp said— the whole _crew_ knows you like my ass.” Sanji’s mind was spinning. How in the hell could this have backfired the way it had? He was sure this would work.

Zoro sighed and shook his head. “Of course I like your ass, Sanji. Have you seen the muscle definition? I mean, come on, you fight using your legs. Your entire lower body is fucking rock solid and amazing.”

“Of course it has to do with working out. Oh my fucking god, how could we have been so stupid.”

“I don’t see how the fact I can appreciate your natural muscle tone is stupid, but whatever lets you sleep at night.”

Sanji sighed, fingers playing with the short hairs at the back of Zoro’s neck. “Okay, serious question: what is it about me that gets you going? Like, sexually aroused.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Zoro leaned back against the couch, running his hands up Sanji’s sides. “When you start talking dirty.”

“I swear I am going to fucking kill you, Zoro!”

* * *

 

**_Bonus:_ **

Nami paused in walking toward the bathhouse, turning to look over her shoulder up to the crow’s nest. “What is Sanji-kun going on about now?”

“Must be my idea didn’t work.” Usopp shrugged a shoulder and went back to his drawing.

“Your idea?” Nami asked, raising an eyebrow at Usopp.

“Yeah, I mean, Sanji’s go—uuuhhh, he’s got this weird burn on his shoulder and I told him to go to Chopper about it, so he must have done that. Probably gave him some ointment and now Sanji’s got Zoro putting it on for him. We all know what a brute Zoro can be.” Chuckling nervously, Usopp tried to hide behind his sketchpad.

“Sanji’s got a burn?” Chopper yelled from the boys bunk room, running onto the deck. “That’s not like Sanji. Maybe it’s a rash? Or an allergic reaction to something?” The little reindeer tapped his hoof against his chin. “I should go up there and see if he’s all right.”

“No!” Usopp yelped, stuttering over his words when both Nami and Chopper looked at him bewildered. “I mean, well, I’m _sure_ Zoro has it under control, right? I mean, who better to look at Sanji’s ass than Zoro. Shoulder! I meant shoulder, Sanji’s shoulder, yeah.”

“Usopp, are you okay, you don’t look very well. You’re really pale.”

“I’m fine, Chopper, really. I think— I think I just may go to bed early.” Shakily getting to his feet, Usopp stumbled his way across the deck and ducked into the mens bunk room, slamming the door. Above them, there was a crash from the crow’s nest, accompanied by Zoro’s screams of outrage.

Nami rolled her eyes and continued on with her trip to the bathhouse. Who was she to stop them if they wanted to fight and break Zoro’s weight equipment. She sure as hell wasn’t going to buy him a new set. Pausing, Nami turned back to where Chopper was still standing in the middle of the lawn deck, head turned toward the crow’s nest. “Come on, Chopper, you can take a bath with me if you want.”

The little reindeer turned, a large grin on his face. “Okay! Hey, Nami,” he asked once he had run up to her. “Do you think Sanji is really okay? If he’s hurt, I should know.”

Nami reached down and gently pat his head. “I am sure Sanji-kun is fine, Chopper, don’t worry.” _Those idiots,_ she thought, pushing it from her mind and finishing the climb to the bathhouse.


End file.
